POV 11 - Debbie's Statement to the Jury

Ladies, gentlemen and non-binary members of Jury. I stand here today horny as fuck after seeing Tyler Durden but, more importantly than that, I stand here convinced that somebody we all know and love was responsible for the death of Miss Doja The Stallion Cat. That person? Well…

Let’s start with the simple facts of this case. Doja Cat died due to blunt force trauma to her skull. She was hit with a doll, and a part of the doll’s hands was lodged in her wound. A Barbie is a strange choice of murder weapon but, all will become clear…

This means we can immediately rule out Baby Yoda. He is so small and would have no access to Doja’s head. The worst he could have done is bust one of her kneecaps. Furthermore, the kid’s fingerprints were found only on the inside handle of a dressing room door and we all know that little weirdo doesn’t wear gloves.

Moving on, you may have heard Blossom and Doja were sworn enemies but, one witness tells us that the two of them put their differences aside and Blossom was in fact helping get sponsors for Doja’s upcoming charity organization. I think it’s safe to say that we can rule out Blossom; especially since a female BLACK hair was found on Doja’s body that wasn’t hers.

This also allows us to rule out Big Miss Steak who not only has no hair, but who was sick and couldn’t be located on the day of the crime. She had a date set up but had to pull out due to her illness. An unreliable witness says she was not in her hotel room as she claimed but, he could have gone to the wrong one because he is hard of hearing.

As for Robbie, I think we can also rule him out. He spent all day with Tyler and, as we respect the choices people make in discussing their relationships, whether it be publicly or privately, we did not find Tyler’s refusal to name a specific time untrustworthy. That man just needs to work through some things, Jury! We also must remember that the hair found on Doja’s body belonged to a female. Robbie is too busy after finding love; he would never have had the opportunity to murder Miss Cat.

That leaves Theodora, Bayleigh and Nicki.

Nicki has always had too much Pride and so, never wanted Doja around her. When Doja won AFP over Nicki, she was furious. Nicki was also quick to point the finger of blame at Theodora in a flurry of text messages to Brenda. This certainly cast some suspicion but, was she right?

Theodora was seen limping as she had lost a shoe, following her late arrival. What we do know now however, is that Bayleigh was later seen with that shoe, drunk and upset, apologizing to her fellow stars. She had clearly had a confrontation WITH Theodora in the dressing room; Skeeter heard two women arguing and mentioning 'winners' and we now have reason to believe that Bay and Theo were those two women, having both won a season of BBQ or, as Skeeter misheard, 'barbecue'.

So, whilst those two were arguing and Doja was killed, there’s just one person that remains: the aforementioned Nicki Minaj. Having someone with arguably more talent around clearly got to Nicki’s ego. Her pride would not allow Doja to steal the spotlight once again and so, she took matters into her own hands.

And, let us not forget that Nicki calls herself Barbie and her fans Barbz. What was Doja murdered with again? A PLASTIC DOLL. Barbie Tingz.

I rest my case. Find Nicki guilty before she strikes again.